Hey, Miss, Can you Spare a Dime?

Last night Joel accompanied me to Barnes & Noble for a couple of Christmas gifts. While browsing near the back of the store, he told me he needed to go to the bathroom. Well, when I'm all's he got for potty partnering, I don't let him use the men's room. I'm phobic that way.

So I scoped out the ladies' room. Coast was clear. I ushered him in and he starts doing what he's there for. I stood outside his stall while he tells me it's weird that he makes bubbles when he pees. A lady comes in just as he's telling me this. She grins as if to say, "How cute."

When he came out, he washed his hands and then looked for a paper towel. There were none. He didn't see electric hand dryers either. But then he spotted a feminine product dispenser with a sign that read "Napkins 10c".

He looked at me and, matter-of-factly said, "If I had ten cents, I would buy a napkin."

The Jelly Hose

Joel and I were snuggling on the sofa, under a blanket, singing Christmas carols last night. His sweet little face and voice were within three inches of mine, and I was studying his precious mouth, his young smile, his delightful singing voice...trying to package it in my memory for all time. I was waxing sappy when...

...we got to the part in the song that goes, "With th'angelic host proclaim..." and I saw and heard what he thought were the words.

"With the jelly hose proclaim, 'Christ is born in Bethlehem!'"

how Old is a Woman?

I ran errands today with Stephen (17) and Joel (6). While waiting in the van together for Stephen to run into a store for me, Joel asked me, "How old is a woman?"

'Do you mean how old do you have to be to be a woman?" I asked.

"Yeh."

I thought a moment and opted NOT to give him the birds-and-bees answer. Instead I said, "Oh, I'd say 18."

He paused. "Oh, so then Stephen's almost a woman?"


Then he laughed all over himself. He was still laughing when Stephen came out. (So was I.)

Balleret

Last night Joel and I got to talking about heights of children in his first/second grade combined class.

He remarked that one girl "is taller than me when she stands on her tippy toes, which she does a lot because she takes balleret."

"You mean ballet?"

"Thank you very much," he answered matter-of-factly.

"For what? I asked

"For saying that word like a girl. I'm not a girl so I can't say it."

No Plastic Edges, Please

I sort of overcooked an overeasy egg for Joel a while back. You know how the membrane gets a bit crisp and crusty when that happens?

Well, when I served it, he examined it, scowled, and then asked sweetly, "May I please have one without plastic edges?"

Lego Guys

We were coming home from church and, out of the blue, Joel asked, "How come Lego guys don't have noses?"

Christian Meal

Joel and I sat down to the simplest of favorite comfort foods for lunch yesterday: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

After three bites, his eyes sparkle at me across the table.

"Mmm," he said. "This is one good Christian meal."

Orange Blood

Joel scraped his foot the other day while playing , shoeless, on the wooden deck.

"Mom, can I have Bandaid?"

"Why?"

"Cuz I have orange blood."

"Let me see."

Sheepishly he replied, "Nooo."

"Then you can't have a Bandaid because I've never heard of orange blood."

"Orange blood hurts worser than red blood," he declared.

"Worser? Oh, okay, then, you better use two Bandaids."

Bad Song

Yesterday as we traveled in the van listening to the radio, the song "Give Me Jesus" came on.

Joel heard this--

"When I come to die, oh, oh, when I come to die,
When I come to die, just give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus, give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus."

Joel interrupted and said, "Mom, this is a bad song."

"No, it's not," I said, "it's good. Why do you say it's bad?"

"Cuz," said Joel. "He said 'give me Jesus.'"

"What's wrong with that?"

"He should say, 'May I please have Jesus?"

Source of Skill

A few days ago Joel and I were cooking together.

"Mom, how did you learn to cook so well?"

"From practicing a long time."

"Oh. I thought it was from reading cookbooks."

Scent of a Woman, Namely a Mother

Joel was helping me make his birthday cake on the 14th and, in the middle of it, as he stood on a chair beside me, he hugged me . "Mmmm, MOm, you smell so good!"

"I do? Thanks. What do I smell like?"

"Like butter."



Maybe I should stop shopping at Macy's perfume counter and instead go to Safeway?

Forget not what?

This week's curriculum has us studying the elephant. The elephant is said to have a good memory.

The Bible verse this week is Psalm 103:2 , which says, "Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.

Joel was reading it aloud for the first time, and out tumbled these words:

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His elephants."

Ice Cream Cone

By 5 pm, Joel was my only kid home this Friday. Ben was snowboarding, Sarah was at work, Stephen was staying over at Eric's.

I felt like treating Joel to something special.

"How about ice cream?" he said, as we drove a familiar route to Broom's Blooms Dairy.
He was thrilled. Ice cream BEFORE dinner! But as we drove , he kept getting sleepier, and I kept asking, "you want to go home instead?" He kept saying no.

We pulled into the lot and I said, "Do you still want me to get you an ice cream cone?"

"I want the ice cream, too!" he said.

Foreigner

While we were eating ice cream I asked Joel to tell me some of his favorite memories. I used prompts. What's your favorite memory about....a dog? He said, "Lady." (Our previous dog.) I said, "Joel, you can't remember her. She died when you were just 8 months old.

"Oh." (Takes another lick of the ice cream.")

"What is your favorite memory of a foreigner?" I asked.

"What's a foreigner?" he asked.

I was too tired to give a precise answer, so out came a lazy one. "A foreigner is someone not from around here," I said.

"Oh, I know! That kid from New Hamster!"

OMBG

Joel was tattling on someone for using the Lord's name in vain.
Pointing his index finger heavenward, "Mom, he said 'oh my Big Guy.'"

New Hamster

Sarah left Friday to visit her friend Leslie in New Hampshire.

Joel couldn't get the name right. He kept saying "New Hamster."

"Are you gonna bring me a new hamster?" he'd ask.

"No, but I can send you a postcard."

"Of a new hamster?"

It wouldn't surprise me if Sarah came home with a fake hamster for her little brother.